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You are considering applying to a study abroad program in Spain for next semester. You have reviewed the program website but still have some questions about housing options and course credits. You want to contact the program coordinator for more information.

115 words
Submitted: Jun 2, 2026, 12:28 PM

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Estimated TOEFL · Writing

19/ 30
Intermediate
0152230
Rubric3.0/5

Key Takeaway

The email includes the necessary elements, such as an introduction and specific questions, but suffers from grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.

Grammatical errorsCritical

I am Shaban Malik from Pkistan, Currently enrolled in international affiliated university and the program in which I appllied is environmental sciences.

Fix·I am Shaban Malik from Pakistan, currently enrolled in an internationally affiliated university, and I have applied to the Environmental Sciences program.

Lack of clarity in credit transfer questionModerate

Furthermore, I studied first two semisters in my home country will those credits be trafered in your university degree or not?

Fix·Furthermore, I have completed the first two semesters in my home country. Will those credits transfer to your university's degree program?

Clear introduction

I am Shaban Malik from Pkistan, Currently enrolled in international affiliated university and the program in which I appllied is environmental sciences.

This introduction provides essential background information, helping the recipient understand the sender's context and reason for inquiry.

Specific question about housing

I am concerened about the student accomodation and would like to know are hostels near the university or you provide a bus service?

The question is specific and directly addresses one of the requirements, showing the sender's engagement with the program details.

Polite closing

I would truly apprecite your assistance.

Expressing gratitude creates a positive tone and leaves a good impression on the recipient, which is important in formal communication.

Vocabulary & Flow

Linking Wordsfair
Furthermore

Consider using more linking words like 'Additionally', 'Moreover', or 'In addition' to enhance the flow of the email.

Repetitive Words
university3x
institutioncollegecampus

Grammar Corrections

1 items found
I am concerened about the student accomodationI am concerned about the student accommodation

Spelling errors in 'concerned' and 'accommodation'. Correct spelling is crucial for clarity and professionalism.

Email Structure

Greeting

The greeting is present and appropriately formal, but addressing a specific person would be more effective.

Dear Admin, I am Shaban Malik from Pkistan, Currently enrolled in international affiliated university and the program in which I appllied is environmental sciences. I am concerened about the student accomodation and would like to know are hostels near the university or you provide a bus service

Opening Paragraph

The opening paragraph clearly states the sender's identity and academic program, setting the context for the inquiry.

Body Content

All required topics are addressed, but some areas lack clarity and could benefit from more detailed questions.

Closing Paragraph

The closing paragraph effectively expresses gratitude, which is important in formal communication.

Sign-off

The sign-off is appropriate and maintains a professional tone.

Regards

Suggested Academic Phrases

internationally affiliated universityCould you please provide more details on

Improvement Roadmap

High Impact

Enhance clarity by separating questions into distinct sentences.

Now: Furthermore, I studied first two semisters in my home country will those credits be trafered in your university degree or not?

Try: I have completed the first two semesters in my home country. Will those credits transfer to your university's degree program?

Improves clarity and coherence, making it easier for the reader to understand and respond.
Quick Wins

Correct spelling errors to improve professionalism.

Where: body

Try: accommodation

Polish

Use more varied linking words to enhance the flow of the email.

Try: Additionally, Moreover, In addition