Write an Email
·Your local gym recently replaced several treadmills with new models. These new machines are difficult to use and often malfunction. You want to address this issue with the gym management.
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Email Writing Guide
Professional tone and structure for the Write an Email task
TOEFL Writing Templates
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Common Grammar Mistakes
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Estimated TOEFL · Writing
Key Takeaway
The email effectively communicates the issues with the new treadmills and requests a solution, but it suffers from grammatical errors and vague elaboration.
Grammatical errorsCritical
“I have came through”
Fix·I have come across
Lack of specific detailsModerate
“some of them are not working as inttended to be which was so challenging to be repaired”
Fix·Provide specific examples of how the treadmills malfunction, such as 'The treadmills often stop abruptly or display error messages, making them unusable.'
“the new treadmills are difficult to use and their instructions are not clear”
This clearly identifies the main issue, which is essential for addressing the problem effectively.
“I would like to request a solution or compemsation, please?”
The request for a solution or compensation is direct and clear, which is important for prompting action from the gym management.
“Thank you for your time and anderstanding.”
Maintaining a polite tone helps in fostering a positive relationship with the recipient, which can be beneficial in resolving the issue.
Vocabulary & Flow
Incorporate more transitional phrases such as 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'consequently' to enhance the flow of the email.
Grammar Corrections
1 items foundThe correct past participle of 'come' is 'come', not 'came'.
Email Structure
The greeting is appropriate and sets a respectful tone.
“Dear Gym Manager, I hope this email finds you well. I would like to bring to your attention several issues that I have came through while utilizing the new Gym machines. Unfortunately, the new treadmills are difficult to use and their instructions are not clear. Inaddittion, some of them are not working as inttended to be which was so challenging to be repaired. As a result, I wasted a lot of time and did not work out. In light of these circumstances, I would like to request a solution or compemsation, please”
The opening paragraph clearly states the purpose of the email.
The body addresses the main requirements but lacks detailed elaboration.
The closing paragraph effectively requests action and expresses gratitude.
The sign-off is appropriate and maintains a professional tone.
“Best regards”
Suggested Academic Phrases
Improvement Roadmap
Provide specific examples of the issues faced with the treadmills.
Now: some of them are not working as inttended to be which was so challenging to be repaired
Try: For instance, the treadmills often stop abruptly or display error messages.
Adding specific examples can significantly enhance clarity and persuasiveness.Correct grammatical errors to improve clarity.
Where: opening
Try: I have come across
Use more varied transitional phrases to improve flow.
Try: Furthermore, the machines often malfunction, which disrupts my workout routine.