Write an Email
·You recently purchased a laptop from an online electronics store but received the wrong model. You need to write an email to the customer service department to resolve this issue.
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Email Writing Guide
Professional tone and structure for the Write an Email task
TOEFL Writing Templates
Effective templates and phrases for TOEFL writing
Common Grammar Mistakes
Top grammar errors that hurt your TOEFL score
Estimated TOEFL · Writing
Key Takeaway
The email effectively communicates the issue and includes necessary details, but it suffers from vague language and several grammatical errors.
Vague elaborationModerate
“I have orderd new model.”
Fix·I ordered the XYZ model, but received the ABC model instead.
Spelling errorMinor
“I look forward to your responce at your earliest convenience.”
Fix·I look forward to your response at your earliest convenience.
“My name is Ryuya Inoue.”
Clearly identifying oneself helps establish context and credibility, which is important for effective communication in formal emails.
“My order number is 111-111.”
Providing specific order details is crucial for customer service to quickly locate the transaction and address the issue efficiently.
“Thank you for your time and consideration.”
Maintaining a polite tone throughout the email helps in fostering a cooperative relationship with the customer service representative.
Vocabulary & Flow
Incorporate more transitional phrases to improve the flow and coherence of the email.
Grammar Corrections
1 items foundSpelling error and missing article 'a'.
Email Structure
The greeting is polite and sets a formal tone for the email.
“Dear customer service department, I hope this email finds you well. My name is Ryuya Inoue. I am writing to ask about your item. I recently purchased a laptop from an online electronics store but received the wrong model. I have orderd new model. My order number is 111”
The opening paragraph clearly states the purpose of the email and provides necessary context.
The body addresses all requirements but could benefit from more detailed elaboration.
The closing paragraph effectively expresses gratitude and includes a call to action.
The sign-off is appropriate and maintains the formal tone.
“Best regards”
Suggested Academic Phrases
Improvement Roadmap
Provide specific details about the incorrect item received.
Now: I have orderd new model.
Try: I ordered the XYZ model, but received the ABC model instead.
Detailed elaboration can significantly enhance clarity and effectiveness.Correct spelling errors to improve professionalism.
Where: closing
Try: response
Use more varied transitional phrases to enhance flow.
Try: Additionally, Furthermore