Write an Email
·You have been living in your apartment for three months. Recently, you noticed that the heating system is not working properly, and the temperature in your apartment drops significantly at night. You need to contact your landlord to resolve this issue.
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Estimated TOEFL · Writing
Key Takeaway
The email effectively communicates the heating issue and its impact but lacks detailed elaboration and contains several grammatical errors.
Missing request for temporary solutionsCritical
“I hope that you would consider my request.”
Fix·Additionally, could you suggest any temporary solutions to keep the apartment warm until the repairs are made?
Lack of detail in repair timeline requestModerate
“Due to this problem I request you to brief me about the repair timeline so I can make necessary arrangements for myself.”
Fix·Could you please provide a specific timeline for when the repairs will be completed?
“The issue with the system is that is keeps shutting off in the night.”
This sentence clearly identifies the specific problem with the heating system, which is crucial for the landlord to understand the nature of the issue.
“Moreover, it is affecting my sleep schedule as I have to wake up early in the morning.”
This sentence effectively conveys how the heating issue is impacting the student's daily life, adding urgency to the request for repairs.
“I hope that you would consider my request.”
The polite tone used here helps maintain a respectful relationship with the landlord, which is important for effective communication.
Vocabulary & Flow
Incorporate more linking words to enhance coherence, such as 'therefore' or 'as a result'.
Grammar Corrections
1 items foundSpelling error
Email Structure
The greeting is appropriate and sets a formal tone.
“Dear Landlord, I am living in your appartment for last six months and from few day I am facing a problem with the heating system The issue with the system is that is keeps shutting off in the night. As a result, I have to get up from the bed and had to manually turn it on. Moreover, it is affecting my sleep schedule as I have to wake up early in the morning. Due to this problem I request you to brief me about the repair timeline so I can make necessary arrangements for myself. I hope that you would consider my request. Thanks”
The opening paragraph introduces the issue, but could benefit from more context about the duration of the problem.
The body addresses the problem and its impact but lacks a specific timeline request and temporary solution inquiry.
The closing is polite but could be more specific in requesting action.
Good use of a professional closing.
“Thanks”
Suggested Academic Phrases
Improvement Roadmap
Include a request for temporary solutions to address immediate concerns.
Now: I hope that you would consider my request.
Try: Additionally, could you suggest any temporary solutions to keep the apartment warm until the repairs are made?
Addressing all requirements thoroughly can significantly improve the score.Correct spelling errors for better readability.
Where: body
Try: apartment
Use more varied linking words to enhance coherence.
Try: Therefore, as a result