Write an Email
·You are a university student organizing a small graduation party for your classmates in May and need to hire a catering service. You found a local company, 'Gourmet Delights', that offers a variety of catered menus for events. You plan to hold the party on May 24th at the campus hall and expect around 50 attendees. You need a detailed quote for their services including menu options, pricing, and any additional charges.
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Email Writing Guide
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TOEFL Writing Templates
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Common Grammar Mistakes
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Estimated TOEFL · Writing
Key Takeaway
The email includes a clear intent and addresses the catering request, but it suffers from grammatical errors and vague language.
Lack of clarity in menu inquiryModerate
“so I wanted to know about the menu for deciding what to include in dishes”
Fix·Could you please provide details on the different menu options available for 50 people?
Vague inquiry about additional chargesModerate
“are there any other charges we have to pay or not”
Fix·Could you inform me if there are any additional fees, such as delivery or setup charges?
“I request you for a detailed quote of your catering.”
This sentence clearly communicates the main purpose of the email, which is to obtain a detailed quote, aligning with the task requirements.
“graduation ceremony on May 24”
Mentioning the specific date of the event helps the recipient understand the timeline and urgency, which is crucial for planning and scheduling.
“I have heard good service from 'Gourmet delight'”
This phrase establishes a positive tone by acknowledging the company's reputation, which can foster goodwill and a cooperative response.
Vocabulary & Flow
Consider using more varied transitional phrases to enhance coherence and flow.
Grammar Corrections
1 items foundspelling error
Email Structure
The greeting is present and appropriately addresses the recipient.
“Hello Manager, I am writing to tell you about upcoming event for my graduation ceremony on May 24 I have heard good service from”
The opening paragraph clearly states the purpose of the email and provides context about the event.
The body addresses all the requirements but could benefit from clearer and more detailed inquiries.
The closing paragraph includes a call to action and expresses gratitude, which is polite and effective.
The sign-off is present and appropriately formal.
“Sincerely”
Suggested Academic Phrases
Improvement Roadmap
Enhance clarity in inquiries by using direct questions.
Now: so I wanted to know about the menu for deciding what to include in dishes
Try: Could you please provide details on the different menu options available for 50 people?
Improving clarity in inquiries can significantly enhance communication effectiveness, leading to a higher score.Correct spelling errors to improve professionalism.
Where: body
Try: companies
Use varied transitional phrases to improve flow.
Try: Moreover, Additionally, In addition to