Write an Email
·Your local gym recently replaced several treadmills with new models. These new machines are difficult to use and often malfunction. You want to address this issue with the gym management.
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Estimated TOEFL · Writing
Key Takeaway
The email addresses some of the requirements but lacks sufficient detail and clarity.
Lack of detailed descriptionCritical
“First of all they are not new and lack manual instructions, because of this, many members are facing difficulty operating them.”
Fix·First of all, the machines appear to be outdated and do not come with clear manual instructions, which makes them difficult for many members to operate.
Unclear impact on workout routineModerate
“As a result of this issue, I am spending unnecessary time in gym by trying to understand the equipments”
Fix·As a result of this issue, I am spending a significant amount of extra time at the gym trying to figure out how to use the equipment, which disrupts my workout routine.
“I am writing to tell you about the problem in using the new gym equipments.”
This sentence clearly states the purpose of the email, which is essential for setting the context and ensuring the reader understands the main concern.
“Furthermore, they can be dangerous for people using them for the first time.”
Highlighting safety issues adds urgency to the complaint and can prompt quicker action from the management.
“I would request you to kindly refund my fees so I can join a new facility nearby.”
Requesting a refund is a clear call to action, which is important for prompting a response from the gym management.
Vocabulary & Flow
Consider using more varied transitional phrases to enhance the flow of the email.
Grammar Corrections
1 items foundEquipment is an uncountable noun and does not take a plural form.
Email Structure
The greeting contains a spelling error. It should be 'Hello Manager'.
“Hello Mnager, I am writing to tell you about the problem in using the new gym equipments.First of all they are not new and lack manual instructions, because of this, many members are facing difficulty operating them. As a result of this issue, I am spending unnecessary time in gym by trying to understand the equipments Furthermore, they can be dangerous for people using them for the first time. I would request you to kindly refund my fees so I can join a new facility nearby. Thanks”
The opening paragraph clearly states the purpose of the email but could benefit from more context about the specific issues with the equipment.
The body addresses some requirements but lacks detail on how the equipment issues specifically affect the workout routine.
The closing paragraph includes a clear call to action but could be more polite and formal.
Good use of a professional closing.
“Thanks”
Suggested Academic Phrases
Improvement Roadmap
Provide specific examples of how the equipment issues disrupt your workout routine.
Now: As a result of this issue, I am spending unnecessary time in gym by trying to understand the equipments
Try: Due to the malfunctioning treadmills, I am unable to complete my cardio workouts efficiently, which affects my overall fitness goals.
Adding specific examples would enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of the email.Correct spelling errors in the greeting.
Where: greeting
Try: Hello Manager,
Use more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition.
Try: Instead of repeating 'gym', use 'fitness center' or 'facility'.