Write an Email
·You recently purchased a laptop from an online electronics store, but the laptop you received is not the model you ordered. You need to contact the store to resolve this issue.
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Email Writing Guide
Professional tone and structure for the Write an Email task
TOEFL Writing Templates
Effective templates and phrases for TOEFL writing
Common Grammar Mistakes
Top grammar errors that hurt your TOEFL score
Estimated TOEFL · Writing
Key Takeaway
The email effectively communicates the issue and includes all required elements, but it suffers from grammatical errors and vague descriptions.
Grammatical errorsCritical
“it is notthe same shown in pictures on website.”
Fix·it is not the same as shown in the pictures on the website.
Lack of specific detailsModerate
“The laptop I expected to receive has latest version and some extra features in it whereas this one lack all new updates”
Fix·The laptop I expected to receive is the latest version with features such as a faster processor and a higher resolution display, whereas the one I received lacks these updates.
“I am writing to tell you about my recent purchase from your online store.”
This sentence clearly establishes the purpose of the email, which is essential for effective communication and helps the reader immediately understand the context.
“with order number (8745) on May 20.”
Including the order number is crucial for the store to quickly identify the transaction, which facilitates a faster resolution to the problem.
“I would appreciate if you could address this issue as soon as possible.”
The polite request for prompt action maintains a respectful tone, which is important for professional communication and can positively influence the response from the recipient.
Vocabulary & Flow
Consider using additional linking words like 'however' or 'in addition' to further enhance the flow of the email.
Grammar Corrections
1 items foundArticle usage and subject-verb agreement
Email Structure
The greeting is appropriate and sets a formal tone for the email.
“Dear Manager, I am writing to tell you about my recent purchase from your online store.I ordered APPLE MAC BOOK PRO in black colour with order number”
The opening paragraph clearly states the purpose of the email and provides necessary context.
The body addresses all the required points but lacks specific details about the differences between the models.
The closing paragraph includes a call to action and expresses gratitude, which is effective for professional communication.
The sign-off is appropriate and maintains a respectful tone.
“Sincerely”
Suggested Academic Phrases
Improvement Roadmap
Provide specific details about the product differences to enhance clarity.
Now: The laptop I expected to receive has latest version and some extra features in it whereas this one lack all new updates
Try: The laptop I ordered should have a 16GB RAM and a Retina display, but the one I received has only 8GB RAM and no Retina display.
Providing specific details can significantly improve the clarity and effectiveness of the communication.Correct grammatical errors related to article usage.
Where: body
Try: Ensure the correct use of articles, such as 'the' before 'latest version'.
Use more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition.
Try: Instead of repeating 'receive', use synonyms like 'obtain' or 'get'.