Write an Email
·Your local gym recently replaced several treadmills with new models. These new machines are difficult to use and often malfunction. You want to address this issue with the gym management.
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Email Writing Guide
Professional tone and structure for the Write an Email task
TOEFL Writing Templates
Effective templates and phrases for TOEFL writing
Common Grammar Mistakes
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Estimated TOEFL · Writing
Key Takeaway
The email effectively communicates the issues with the new treadmills and their impact on the writer's routine.
Grammatical errorsCritical
“one can not adjust those to every hight”
Fix·one cannot adjust them to every height
Superficial elaborationModerate
“difficult to use and often malfunction”
Fix·Provide specific examples of how the machines malfunction, such as error messages or specific functions that don't work.
“these new machines are difficult to use and often malfunction”
This effectively sets the context and purpose of the email, making it clear to the reader what the main issue is.
“this affects my workout routine”
This personalizes the issue, making it more relatable and urgent for the reader to address.
“Request a solution or compensation”
This provides a clear call to action, which is essential for prompting a response from the gym management.
Vocabulary & Flow
Incorporate more transitional phrases to improve the flow and coherence of the email, such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition'.
Grammar Corrections
1 items foundSpelling error
Email Structure
The greeting is present and sets a polite tone for the email.
“exact”
The opening paragraph clearly states the issue with the new treadmills.
The body addresses the main points but lacks detailed examples and elaboration.
The closing paragraph effectively requests action and expresses gratitude.
The sign-off is appropriate and maintains a professional tone.
“exact”
Suggested Academic Phrases
Improvement Roadmap
Provide specific examples of the malfunctions.
Now: difficult to use and often malfunction
Try: The machines frequently stop mid-session, and the display screens show error codes.
Adding specific examples can enhance clarity and persuasiveness.Correct spelling errors.
Where: body
Try: difficulties instead of difficulities
Use more varied transitional phrases.
Try: In addition to the malfunctions, the machines are also difficult to adjust.