Write an Email
·You recently purchased a laptop from an online electronics store but received the wrong model. You need to write an email to the customer service department to resolve this issue.
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Email Writing Guide
Professional tone and structure for the Write an Email task
TOEFL Writing Templates
Effective templates and phrases for TOEFL writing
Common Grammar Mistakes
Top grammar errors that hurt your TOEFL score
Estimated TOEFL · Writing
Key Takeaway
The email effectively communicates the issue and requests assistance, but it suffers from several grammatical errors and lacks specific details about the order.
Grammar and spelling errorsCritical
“I recentlty purchsed from you store.I have noticed that its not the latest model which I ordered and the pictures on the website also dont match with it.”
Fix·I recently purchased from your store. I have noticed that it's not the latest model which I ordered, and the pictures on the website also don't match with it.
Lack of specific order detailsModerate
“One that I booked was black mac book pro and its the updated version with three years warrenty plan.”
Fix·Include the order number and purchase date to help the customer service team quickly locate the transaction.
“I have noticed that its not the latest model which I ordered and the pictures on the website also dont match with it.”
This sentence effectively communicates the main issue, which is crucial for the reader to understand the problem and take appropriate action.
“One that I booked was black mac book pro and its the updated version with three years warrenty plan.”
Providing specific details about the original order helps the customer service team verify the order and understand the discrepancy.
“I would appreciate if you address this issue as soon as possible.”
This polite request maintains a professional tone and encourages prompt action from the customer service team.
Vocabulary & Flow
Incorporate more linking words like 'however', 'therefore', or 'in addition' to improve the flow and coherence of the email.
Grammar Corrections
1 items foundSpelling errors
Email Structure
Your email is missing a proper greeting. Start with "Dear [Name]," or "Hello," to establish a professional tone.
The opening paragraph clearly states the purpose of the email, which is to report an issue with the received laptop.
The body addresses the issue and provides some details about the order, but lacks specific instructions on how to proceed.
The closing paragraph includes a request for prompt action, which is effective.
The sign-off is appropriate and maintains a professional tone.
“Sincerely”
Suggested Academic Phrases
Improvement Roadmap
Include specific order details such as order number and purchase date.
Now: One that I booked was black mac book pro and its the updated version with three years warrenty plan.
Try: I ordered a black MacBook Pro, order number 123456, on September 15th, with a three-year warranty plan.
Providing specific order details can significantly enhance clarity and expedite resolution.Add a greeting to start the email.
Where: greeting
Try: Dear Customer Service Team,
Use more varied linking words to improve coherence.
Try: Additionally, I would like to know the process for returning the incorrect item.