Academic Discussion
·Studying History
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Estimated TOEFL · Writing
Key Takeaway
The response effectively engages with a peer's argument and presents a relevant perspective on the importance of studying history.
Grammatical ErrorCritical
“the wrong made by ancient people”
Fix·Correct the phrase to 'the mistakes made by ancient people' to improve grammatical accuracy.
Lack of SpecificityModerate
“the wrong decision made by those investors”
Fix·Provide specific details about the decisions made by investors during the 2008 economic crisis to strengthen the argument.
“Personally, I agree with Student 1's opinion that studying history is essential for understanding current events and making better decisions.”
This statement clearly establishes the student's position, which is important for TOEFL scoring as it sets the foundation for the argument.
“Take the economic crisis that occurred in 2008, which happened due to the wrong decision made by those investors.”
Providing an example helps to illustrate the point being made, which can enhance the persuasiveness of the argument.
“On the other hand, studying history is also crucial for understanding cultural development.”
This expands the argument by showing another dimension of the importance of history, which can make the response more comprehensive.
Vocabulary & Flow
Incorporate more transitional phrases such as 'for instance', 'moreover', and 'consequently' to enhance the flow of the response.
Grammar Corrections
1 items foundIncorrect noun usage; 'wrong' should be replaced with 'mistakes' to correctly convey the intended meaning.
Suggested Academic Phrases
Improvement Roadmap
Provide more specific examples and details to support your arguments.
Now: the wrong decision made by those investors
Try: For example, the 2008 financial crisis was exacerbated by risky mortgage lending practices and inadequate regulatory oversight.
Enhances relevance and elaboration, potentially increasing the score.Correct grammatical errors for clarity.
Where: body
Try: Change 'the wrong made by ancient people' to 'the mistakes made by ancient people'.
Use more varied transitional phrases to improve flow.
Try: Additionally, studying history provides insight into cultural development.