Write an Email
·Your local gym recently replaced several treadmills with new models. These new machines are difficult to use and often malfunction. You want to address this issue with the gym management.
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Estimated TOEFL · Writing
Key Takeaway
The email identifies the issues with the new treadmills and suggests a solution, but it suffers from numerous grammatical errors and vague elaboration.
Grammar and spelling errorsCritical
“The new treadmills are undergone a malfuction error.”
Fix·The new treadmills have malfunction errors.
Lack of specific elaborationModerate
“Running a machine like this could even cause serious problems like Shorness of breath and may vreate panic while doing.”
Fix·Using a malfunctioning treadmill can lead to safety risks, such as sudden stops that might cause falls or injuries.
“The new treadmills are undergone a malfuction error.”
This statement clearly identifies the core issue with the gym equipment, which is essential for addressing the problem effectively.
“This is making our daily routines hard because we are unable to do the cardio.”
The sentence highlights the personal impact of the issue, which helps in conveying the urgency and importance of resolving the problem.
“I strongly suggest you replace the macjines with new ones or try to repair them.”
Providing a suggestion for a solution demonstrates initiative and helps guide the management towards potential actions.
Vocabulary & Flow
Grammar Corrections
1 items foundSpelling error
Email Structure
The greeting is appropriate and sets a polite tone.
“Dear Gym Manager, I hope you are doing well. I am reaching out to you about the problem caused by the new treadmills. Many people come to our gym to do the cardio. The new treadmills are undergone a malfuction error. The belt is getting stuck while operating and the speed in increasing automatically. Running a machine like this could even cause serious problems like Shorness of breath and may vreate panic while doing. This is making our daily routines hard because we are unable to do the cardio. This is a serious concern as the treadmills are major requiremnent for gym members. I strongly suggest you replace the macjines with new ones or try to repair them. In the man time i Would recommed to issue a partial refund aor coa discounted membership fee for the coming minth. Thankyou, Manoj.”
The opening paragraph clearly states the purpose of the email.
All requirements are addressed, but more specific details and elaboration are needed.
The closing paragraph includes a call to action and expresses gratitude, which is effective for maintaining a polite tone.
Your email is missing a proper sign-off. End with "Sincerely," "Best regards," or "Thank you," followed by your name.
Suggested Academic Phrases
Improvement Roadmap
Provide specific examples of how the malfunctioning treadmills affect workouts.
Now: This is making our daily routines hard because we are unable to do the cardio.
Try: Due to the treadmill malfunctions, I am unable to maintain my usual cardio routine, which affects my fitness goals.
Adding specific examples can significantly enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of the email.Correct spelling and grammar errors.
Where: body
Try: Correct 'malfuction' to 'malfunction' and 'Shorness' to 'Shortness'.
Use more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition.
Try: Instead of repeating 'treadmills', use 'machines' or 'equipment'.